Hi, i'm not saying becoz i'm unhappy with my marriage. I would like to share why i think in this way.
Date a person, marry a family.
When you date someone, both of you lead individual life, with various intersection. Marriage, on the other hand is different. You need be involve in his family matters. He may also need to. It could be good, it could be bad. Before marriage, there is no need to visit each other parents on a frequent basis. You can see ur bf parents maybe a few times a year (CNY, their bday), but after marriage, you are expected to go back frequently. No doubt my hubby tends to go back with me, but i'm sure he will be soon sick of explaining to his parents why he came back alone and why i din go back together. Similiarly, my parents ask me too when my hubby din go back with me.
After married, you live with your in-laws? Conflicts.
I would think, if possible, don't live with your in-laws. A very simple reason, you don't want conflicts due to staying together. Some ppl may be luckily, but not all. A few advantage of staying with in-laws, you don't need to make some time out to go back to your in-law place (neccessary for ppl who has their own house). You don't need to pay property tax, town council fees, etc etc. You may give your in-law a $-token, but groceries are covered.
How about having a new house and be free of parent-related issue?
It is not 100% true. I'm constantly having this issue. My mum ask me to go back on weekend. My in-laws also want us to go back on weekend. My friends also wanna meet on weekend. I wanna learn something, go for lesson on weekends. I wanna rest and do my house work on weekends. I also wanna spend some quality time with my hubby. HOW? Next, every single bill is my own problem. I use to pay for my parents SP bill, my own internet bills. Now on top of that, there is property tax, town council and other stuff to pay. =(
After marriage, time is forever not enough.
I'm using this simple plan now.
I tried to have my mum understand that it is impossible for me to go back every weekend. If i go her place, it would be right to go my in-law side too. After half a year of struggling, i came out with this plan.
Mon - Thu : at most 2 days with friends. 2 other days to have dinner with hubby + do household chores
Fri : Japanese Lesson
Sat : Household chores + Swimming
Sun : Buy Groceries, prepare food for the week, chill.
On top of this plan, we will try to go back home on public holidays (PH), such as lunch at my parents place and dinner at my in-law side, or dinner at my in-law on PH eve.
If there is no PH on that month, we will pick one 2 sundays out of 4 to go back to our parents' place.
If there is special event that month, like birthday or mother's day, i will accommodate and go his place on the actual day and celebrate my side on the day before.
Now is may. My dates are scheduled all the way to end of June (And several random dates till end of the year). =(
2 件のコメント:
Woah.. this is an interesting post... I believe you're truly happy with your husband and marriage..:3
But just yea like you said.. marriage is not just about 2 person, but 2 families (the troublesome part of marriage.. I'm already foreseeing all the trouble with V's family in the future... ~.~)
Can you and your hubby do a regular date night once a month or once every fortnight?
I'm kinda selfish.. so I believe that children, as adults, should have their own time away from their parents. I'm sure that your parents and in-laws will understand that you two want to spend less time with them because it is part of being independent adults and having your own nuclear family. It will hurt them in the beginning but they will start to realize that it is only a natural part of their children's growing up, and their own re-established independence now that the kids are out of the nest.
Ganbatte!! :3
miya
yoz~
we tend to try to have a dinner date outside once a month, or sometimes chilling at home w a good bottle of wine or champagne. ^^
i'm also the selfish type. If i'm not selfish, i probably will be like the typical sg-kids who go back to parents place every week. However, when the parents are over 60s and have alot of illness, it is normal to be worried and wanna go and check on them.
The good thing is i got patrick to understand that though we are married, it is not a must that he must follow when i visit my parents, or i must follow when he visit his parents. Nowadays he go back himself to check on his dad & mum due to his dad's poor health.
I have also explain to my mum that it doesn't make sense that patrick & i dun have time for ourselves after marriage. She tends to pop over my place out of concern(or probably just miss me), but sometimes it just get too often. Sometimes i welcome her, but i find it hard to welcome when she wanna pop over on a hard day after work or on a day when i'm expecting guests.
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